It has been rough the last couple of months and things haven't turned out as I hoped. This was somewhat expected, but never hoped for. Yet I have decided to not let things effect me in any negative way, at least not forever. I am dealing with things better than I usually do, perhaps because I am confident that God will not let me suffer forever.Only I have the power to allow my self to suffer, and I think there isnt enough days in a lifetime to sit around dwelling on should haves or what ifs. I've made my choices and did what I could. I can only control myself and know that I put my very best into everything I do. It is a bit frustrating when you don't immediately see results, but thats something I've gotta learn to deal with. I have little to no regrets, because the opportunities will keep coming.

My social life is a bit quieter now but those who choose to be a part of my life, are. And those who choose otherwise, well their missing out on a relationship with a fantastic girl. But people grow apart from each other, its a way of life. Im trying to build a stronger relationship with those who have the same loves in life as I do, and the same morals and goals. Im out of high school, so I don't like dealing with children. If I wanted to deal with kids, I'd have them by now. But I dont, And for good reason.

My heart yearns for what has been lost, (friends, love) but its not the end of life. I have other loves, other desires that will keep me content until these superficial wounds heal. Time heals all wounds, and those who choose to be a part of my life, will be. Maybe this is part of growing up and maturing. Learning to deal with life alone. Or starting fresh/over. I've made mistakes and now I have the chance to start a brand new chapter as a new person. I will try not to make the same mistakes again.

Although some things have ended, my short term and long term goals have not changed, except the desire to achieve them even more. Odds are quite against me again, and I find myself in the same situation I was in last year at this time. The only difference is I have school to look forward to. Its now a time to focus on myself, and keep on keeping on until I finally achieve those goals.

But enough of the pep talk to self. I am going on a trip with two dear friends of mine to Orlando this weekend! This will def help me get my mind in a better place, especially since I love the atmosphere of Orlando. I promise to all those out there who keep track of me to party long and hard this weekend and maybe get a few silly pictures out of it so you can laugh with (at) me! X3


And thus I leave you all with a song I like....


A Fine Frenzy

Stitch in your knitted brow
and you don't know how
you're gonna get it out
crushed under heavy chest
trying to catch your breath
but it always beats you by a step, all right now

making the best of it
playing the hand you get
you're not alone in this

there's hope for the hopeless
there's hope for the hopeless
there's hope

cold in a summer breeze
yeah, you're shivering
on your bended knee
still, when you're heart is sore
and the heavens pour
like a willow bending with the storm, you'll make it

running against the wind
playing the cards you get
something is bound to give

there's hope for the hopeless
there's hope for the hopeless
there's hope
there's hope
there's hope

there's hope